Posts Tagged ‘Guy Kawasaki’

eSarcasm Achieves Twitter Milestone

September 21, 2009

eSarcasm, The Site Whose Tweets Cannot Be Beat ™, achieved another milestone yesterday when it surged past the magic 500 Followers mark on Twitter. And, we are proud to report, we did it all without pumping up on ‘roids.*

Thanks largely to our efforts to pander to Twitter users’ raging obsession with themselves while desecrating the memory of Michael Jackson (we love you Michael – but not in that way, if you know what we mean), our follower count grew by more than 12 percent in a single day. Rest assured we’re gonna bang on that drum until it breaks.

So we did some number crunching on who’s following us and why, and the results are damned fascinating:

    seriously hot fake chick on twitter

  • 27.2 percent are Web cam girls who only followed us so we’d look at their ‘hot pics’. Roughly 52 percent of those ‘girls’ are in reality grossly distended guys with hair between their shoulder blades. However, a small percentage of of them also look like this:

    We don’t care how fake they or their boobs are, we’re counting them.

  • 23.4 percent are Social Media Gurus who pelt us with tweets every five minutes. We suppose they have to do something while waiting around all day at the unemployment office.
  • 19.7 percent are Internet Marketers who are dying to tell us how we can become rich via Twitter if we just follow their 27-step program. They also promise they won’t come in our mouths.
  • 11.3 percent are identical profiles with names like edwardt42 and photos of Boring White Men (BWM) attached. It’s nice to know the bots love us, too.
  • 5.2 percent of our followers are Robert Scoble, but only when measured by weight.
  • @GuyKawasaki’s army of faceless drones is following us. But we’re pretty sure they’d follow Satan into hell.
  • @Satan is not following us, thank @God.
  • There are three or four smokin’ hot yet apparently authentic chicks who dig us because we’re funny. We are actively stalking them.

To those who’ve signed onto the eSarc eXpress, we commend you on your excellent taste. Now let’s all go out and kick Ashton Kutcher’s ass.

* Technically, JR’s gender reassignment does involves the use of some steroids, but we got pre-approval for them from the National Bloggers Association.