Archive for the ‘Giblets’ Category

Bad Taste, Less Filling

September 19, 2011

“You’re putting that in the wrong place, goddammit. Have I taught you nothing about proper shelving procedures?” — Melvil Dewey (1851 – 1931)

I’m doing what Dan Tynan should have done, or JR Raphael for that matter — venting my thoughts on the latest episode of the eSarcasm soap opera on a blog that nobody ever reads rather than abusing eSarcasm’s mighty publishing platform to get as much attention as possible from the 4 to 7 people who actually read it.

Where was I again? Oh yeah — the clusterfuck that is eSarcasm.

My colleague Dr. Smartass hits the nail on the proverbial head: Tynan’s public resignation from eSarcasm, on eSarcasm, was an ill-timed sleazy move, not unlike the way he tried to hit on JR’s grandmother at the last eSarcasm Christmas party. I mean, the woman is 90 if she’s a day. I throw up a little in my mouth every time I think about that.

I say that with the utmost respect for Tynan, who I think is a phenomenal writer with a rapier wit and a brilliant mind, though he still owes me $38 from last January and I’m starting to get a little PO’d about it.

You won’t catch me saying this about anything else that gets published on eSarcasm, but that post should have absolutely gone on his personal blog or website, or possibly only spraypainted on the walls of his skull. I’ve thought about this all day, and it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth (though not as bad as thinking about Tynan boffing JR’s granny — seriously, that is nasty).

Clearly, Tynan has an ax to grind with Raphael, but he must realize that nailing JR to the cross in such a visible way, and I mean that literally — Tynan tacked him to one of the crossbeams in our office with a staple gun, and it took us 45 minutes to pry the staples out with a letter opener — was definitely not a classy thing to do. I only hope he realizes that one day.

As I’ve written countless times, I have a great professional relationship with JR, and I would really like to avoid getting fired or demoted, because I really need this job and I can’t face going back to Wal-Mart.

I’m not saying eSarcasm doesn’t have major issues. Boy, do they have issues. One of these days I’ll write about them, hopefully after the gag order has been lifted and no one is paying attention.

eSarcasm LLC Announces Reduced Hours for Holiday Week

November 25, 2009

At eSarcasm, Where The Snark Never Stops But Occasionally Pauses To Catch Its Breath And Get A Sip Of Water ™, we work 24-7-365 to bring you the finest in geeky satire and juvenile humor.

But even we like to spend time with our families and parole officers around the holidays. So we’re officially closing up shop effective at 1 pm ET today. Of course, we’ll still have a skeleton crew on hand in case of breaking news (like, for example, Christian Serratos has a nipple slip or the CrunchPad actually appears); Dan and JR will be wearing pagers so they can come in and direct the sarcasm flow. Otherwise, we’ll be re-running some of the funniest stories from our early days when absolutely no one was visiting us.

For those workers who remain on the job, the eSarcateria will be serving Turkey Loaf with giblets, Campbells canned turkey gravy, jellied cranberry sauce (the kind that jiggles for five minutes after it oozes out of the can), and Stovetop Stuffing. Umm-umm. Just like Mom used to make. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!