We are pleased to announce the newest member of our eSarcasm team, Dr. Stanley L. Dorkus, Ph.D., aka Dr. Smartass.
Dr. Dorkus holds a doctorate in applied cosmetology from the Milfus Institute as well as a certificate in Advanced Flirting from The Learning Annex. He has served on the president’s council for physical fitness (honorary member) and on the boards of several corporations currently under investigation by the SEC, though he has been cleared of all charges.
In addition to his numerous academic honors, Dorkus has been practicing gynecology for more than 20 years. He hopes one day to obtain a medical degree so he can learn the names of all those pink bits.
“It is a pleasure and quite frankly a relief to have someone with real fake scientific credentials on the team here at eSarcasm,” says co-founder Dan Tynan. “Now we finally have somebody to blame when we screw things up.”
Dorkus was originally slated to join the team back in May during our pre-pre-pre Alpha phase, but unforeseen circumstances delayed his arrival. Fortunately, good behavior and a sympathetic judge enabled the doctor to climb aboard as we steam toward our official launch.
According to Dorkus, it was just a silly misunderstanding.
“That was purely a case of mistaken identity,” he explains. “How was I to know she’d borrowed her older sister’s ID?”
Dorkus will oversee eSarcasm’s coverage of dubious scientific studies and pen an advice column called Ask Dr. Smartass, where he will answer questions of a geeky nature from readers, once we actually have some.
“We look forward to a long and mutually beneficial relationship with Dr. Dorkus,” says co-co-founder JR Raphael, “provided he stays at least 500 yards away from any secondary schools. We can’t afford any more legal bills.”