eSarcasm opens the kimono, shows its dangly bits

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Here at eSarcasm, The Website That Cares Deeply About Each and Every One of You ™, we’re tingling with excitement. Why? Because beginning Monday, August 3, we will be officially launched unto the world.

We’re practically wetting ourselves (technically, JR has already wet himself, but that’s a separate medical issue I’d rather not get into right now). It’s been a long hard struggle to get the site in shape for its grand opening, and we can’t believe the Big Day is finally here.

FYI, here’s the release we sent out to a *select group* of mainstream media and the blogerati:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

eSarcasm Unleashes Snark 2.0

New geek humor site reboots blogosphere, changes Net as we know it

Do you tweet too much? Have you recently added “social media guru” to your resume? Do you believe in a literal interpretation of TechCrunch? Then you will probably hate eSarcasm, a site devoted to mockery of all things tech.

On August 3 a new era will dawn in the history of the Web, when eSarcasm (“Geek Humor Gone Wild”) is officially foisted upon an unsuspecting world.

eSarcasm is the bastard offspring brainchild of award-winning journalists Dan Tynan and JR Raphael, who’ve spent years chronicling high-tech foibles for PC World, C|NET, Wired News, Popular Science, and other publications too embarrassed to be named here.

Tynan and Raphael are staking what’s left of their reputations on puncturing Web 2.0 windbags, skewering weird science, and making fun of everything else that crosses their virtual desks, from mindless Internet memes to brain-dead press releases.

Only on eSarcasm will you find the following:

* 25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know: Quick, what does IICDTINLTH stand for? Read our helpful guide, and even your own kids might start to respect you.

* iWant iPorn: 7 Adult-Themed Apps We’d Love to See: These don’t exist yet, but we’d build them if we knew Jack about programming.

* CrunchPad to Include ‘AutoRumor’ and ‘AlwaysRight’ Technology: Device to emulate real experience of reading TechCrunch, complete with egotistical rants and extreme irritation.

* Interview With the Spermatazoa: We get up close and personal with world’s first artificially created male genome, Ivy Dee.

“We intend to spread our message of geeky sarcasm to all four corners of the globe, a phrase that only makes sense if you believe Earth is shaped like a pool table,” says Tynan.

“They said it couldn’t be done,” adds Raphael. “Well, actually they said it shouldn’t be done. But screw ‘em, we’re doing it anyway.”

What the Critics Are Saying About eSarcasm*:

“Light and refreshing, with a delightful minty aftertaste.” – David Pogue, New York Times

“This site would be really funny if it didn’t look like crap on my iPhone.” – Walt Mossberg, AllThingsD

“Who the hell are these guys?” – Michael Arrington, TechCrunch

*Hey, we can dream, can’t we?

For more about eSarcasm LLC, visit eSarcasm’s “About” page, or stop by the official company blog at http://esarcasmblog.wordpress.com/

For information, interviews, syndication opportunities, or more smartass commentary contact:

press@esarcasm.com

Dan Tynan 910.795.2357
JR Raphael 213.254.5030

If you received this release, it means you are very VERY special to us, and we hope you will write many nice things about us in the days to come. If you don’t, that’s OK too. Just don’t expect any invitations to soirees on our private island when we become gazillionaires. This isn’t a charity gig, you know.

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4 Responses to “eSarcasm opens the kimono, shows its dangly bits”

  1. Mike Broberg Says:

    This blog will be a huge help for when I download the Internet. Thanks, Dan.

  2. snarkydan Says:

    thanks. just remember, if you’re downloading the Internet via a 56K modem, it will take you 45,678,324,087,652 hours. so bring a snack.

  3. EXCLUSIVE: What People Are Really Doing Online Says:

    [...] are reading eSarcasm and witnessing two once-promising journalism careers go swirling down the [...]

  4. eSarcasm: One year forward, many steps back « eSarcasmBlog Says:

    [...] The Web Site That Longs to Pleasure You In Ways You’ve Never Imagined ™, officially opened its kimono and displayed its wares to the world exactly 365 days ago. Over that time our snarky band of jokesters have produced more [...]

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